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Gym Class Chronicles
So, I was trying to think of more stories to put on the funny story pages and the Beckster reminds me of all these funny things that happen in my gym class.  And I start typing them in when I decide that they deserve a page all their own.  So let the fun begin, friend.

Well, there is a boy in my gym class named Mike Witter.  I was on the opposite team from him when we were playing soccer.  One day, I had a break away and he got nervous or something because he very intentionally trips me and I fall to the ground.  The next thing I know, I hear Becky's voice yelling, "What the hell do you think you're doing, asshole?  You're such a dick! Why would you do that?"  He still apologizes to me for it to this day. UPDATE!!  He worked at Tops for a while, and he came into the breakroom one day while I was eating lunch and apologized to me again for it.  What a dork.

Becky and, I think, Jamie decided one day that everyone looks like an animal and it was their job to name each one.  There is a boy named Dan, and he looks like a walrus.  Seriously, he does.  So we are playing handball and Becky and myself are leaning against the wall and Becky decides she wants to trip him.  So she sticks her leg out and goes to trip him, when Ryan "Hardcore Gym Participator" Eick runs in front of him and instead of Walrus getting tripped, Ryan falls flat on his face.  Now, Ryan has a bit of a bad temper.  So, while I'm sitting there trying insanely hard not to laugh, and Becky is hiding her face in my arm trying not to laugh, Ryan stands up and just starts yelling, "Bitch!  You... bitch!  You're a fucking.... bitch!"  And our gym teacher goes, "Eick!  No swearing!  Points off."

There is a boy in my class, I'm not really sure of his name to be honest.  But we'll call him, Captain Hilarious (C.H.) for short.  Well, awhile back, we played Wiffle ball for what seemed like forever.  I do not personally enjoy the game of wiffle ball, but the boys get pretty into it.  Well, one day, CH was up to bat and he hit a fly ball.  He starts running around the bases and the ball gets caught.  But he just keeps on a'runnin.  Everyone is watching him just run around the bases and he gets to home and he jumps on the plate with his hands in the air being all like, "YES!! I got a home run!  So what if they caught the ball.  That doesn't matter.  I got a home run!!"

We were in the outfield waiting for some balls to be hit our way, and Becky and I look over to CH who is by 2nd base and he picks up the base, walks a few feet then says, "Look guys, I stole second base."

So, now we are playing "stxball" which is lacrosse except our sticks are all plastic... total ghettoness.  Anyway, I'm in the "scrub" team as well as most of the class.  Well, CH decides he wants to join the non-scrub team and he just goes and gets a stick out of the bin and goes out and starts playing.  It was hilarious.  Sounds kind of dumb when you read this, but believe me, if you know what's good for you, you should be laughing right now.

So, Ryan and Mike decide to get into a fight today.  At first it seems like they are just joking, but then Mike took it to a whole new level.  Now let me just say, Ryan could pulverize Mike.  He would not stand a chance in the world.  But Mike just keeps going.  So Ryan is actually being pretty nice because normally when he's really fighting, he just throws punches left and right and kills the other kid.  But he just gets Witter into a headlock and they're sitting there with Ryan just being bored and Witter trying to get out of it.  And Wes Hanel just comes out of nowhere, and kicks Witter in the butt and runs away like a little kid.  It was classic.

In our gym class, we have a hockey unit.  One day Marc was about to take a slap shot and he probably would make it because he's pretty good at hockey.  So Ryan decides the only way to block this shot is to drop his stick and slide it in front of Marc.  Well, when Marc went to hit the ball, he hit the stick instead and it goes flying in the air and hits the wall about a foot above my gym teacher's head, who then says to Ryan, "What the hell do you think you're doing asshole?  Points off."

Scootz was the goalie when we were playing handball and the boys in my class whip the ball insanely hard.  Well the ball came ridiculously close to hitting him in the junk, so he picks up the cone to protect himself.  Mr. Johnston just says, "Put the cone down. Points off."

We once had a substitute who we call "Jake the Snake."  He thought he was way cooler than an eskimo during a blizzard.  So he comes and sits next to Becky, Emily, Sam, Trisha and myself and tries to be all cool and make conversation, but really we were just super creeped out.  Well he is grading some tests we'd just taken and he's commenting at how dumb people are and he goes, "haha!  these people don't even know their right from their left!!  who the hell is Becky and Emily?"  Smooooth...   So then he says something to Scootz along the lines of "You couldn't tell your ass from a hole in the ground", and Scootz just looks at him and says, "Well here's my ass and you can kiss it."  Jake the Snake is not allowed to substitute at my school anymore because he once commented to another teacher, "Man, it sure sucks that teachers aren't allowed to date 11th and 12th graders..."

More stories coming later......